Posted on December 7, 2011
This is pretty much my guide line as well. I like having new partners – but I don’t want them so badly that I’ll introduce stress/drama/tension/discomfort into my existing relationships. I also won’t engage with someone who has their own relationships that I can’t comfortably mesh with.
It’s not a romantic sentiment, but no matter what the chemistry is like – I’m not going to knowingly take time or happiness away from my partners to deal with a problem partner, or knowingly take time and happiness away from the people my partner also loves because I’m not a good fit.
I’ve done the star crossed lovers thing before, where distance, time, other relationships or various other whatever’s made it difficult – but pursued the relationship because of the chemistry or whatever. Pragmatic and sentiment free reality is that I have enough love, joy, sex and bliss in my life that finding a little more isn’t worth that kind of hassle.
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Thinking
Posted on December 7, 2011
I really think that it’s hard to do poly in a vacuum- ideally you need a community which ensures maintenance of cultural mores so everyone gets respected. It’s also hard to believe you didn’t establish someone’s poly reality before you hit on them in front of their primary. The fact is, if you aren’t communicating well, it’s difficult to see that you’re being a respectful poly person. It’s easy to say that it’s everyone’s individual problem to make sure they take care of themselves, but it’s a better way to have a real conversation before you take risks with other people’s feelings or relationships. I’d like to clarify, I am not meaning this in a really critical or judgmental way. I fully realize and acknowledge that there may be a lot more context you left out of the post.